Another fabulous read Ashley! This made me think about a friend who suffers from depression, and the paradox of needing community yet self-isolating due to feelings of overwhelm. As well, the idea that being ultra-independent is actually a trauma response, and without community, we are unable to connect and heal but instead are tricked into believing that we don't need help. The question becomes how do we convince those we care about that isolation and independence can be more harmful than helpful? I try to extend words of encouragement, but it doesn't always work.
Thanks so much for sharing this Corimne. Depression is such a difficult one for all the reasons you mentioned. But truly, your gentle loving presence is doing so much (whether it’s apparent or not). It may be ‘the comfort’ that keeps her going on a conscious or subconscious level.
As a friend, it’s really easy to feel discouraged - especially if you’re not getting any indication from them that they appreciate it. I agree with you that being ultra-independent could actually a trauma response... All you can do is continue to offer your presence. We under estimate how impactful it is. I think offering someone ‘your loving attention’ is healing and impactful. Being seen by a loving person when you’re in your lowest state, reinforces that they are worthy. Unfortunately, you can’t convince them that their behaviour is harmful.
I’m reading a very good book about trauma, you may have heard of called “The Body Keeps the Score,” by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It’s opening my eyes to what happens in the brain of traumatized people. If trauma is a conversation you’ve had with your friend, it might be a good recommendation. It’s fascinating in general, and could be validating for them. Warning: it’s also triggering at times. But it’s such an important book.
Another fabulous read Ashley! This made me think about a friend who suffers from depression, and the paradox of needing community yet self-isolating due to feelings of overwhelm. As well, the idea that being ultra-independent is actually a trauma response, and without community, we are unable to connect and heal but instead are tricked into believing that we don't need help. The question becomes how do we convince those we care about that isolation and independence can be more harmful than helpful? I try to extend words of encouragement, but it doesn't always work.
Thanks so much for sharing this Corimne. Depression is such a difficult one for all the reasons you mentioned. But truly, your gentle loving presence is doing so much (whether it’s apparent or not). It may be ‘the comfort’ that keeps her going on a conscious or subconscious level.
As a friend, it’s really easy to feel discouraged - especially if you’re not getting any indication from them that they appreciate it. I agree with you that being ultra-independent could actually a trauma response... All you can do is continue to offer your presence. We under estimate how impactful it is. I think offering someone ‘your loving attention’ is healing and impactful. Being seen by a loving person when you’re in your lowest state, reinforces that they are worthy. Unfortunately, you can’t convince them that their behaviour is harmful.
I’m reading a very good book about trauma, you may have heard of called “The Body Keeps the Score,” by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It’s opening my eyes to what happens in the brain of traumatized people. If trauma is a conversation you’ve had with your friend, it might be a good recommendation. It’s fascinating in general, and could be validating for them. Warning: it’s also triggering at times. But it’s such an important book.
Thanks for the affirmations, and the recommendation. I'll take a look at the book - sounds like an interesting read, even for me.
It’s a great read about trauma! Perhaps one of the best books out there. It’s recommended by a lot of therapists.